I wake up early these days.
My eyes flash open with ideas circulating. I tell myself shhhhh go back to sleep. Its only 5am. But no, my body is ready. I crawl out of bed and make a cup of tea. I settle with my journal to capture what is spinning.
Like an itch, an addiction - I need to scratch it.
Always hungry and never full.
I come up with all my best ideas first thing, as if whilst asleep my body went into a workshop and got tinkered with; rewired to bring something new by morning. I wake up with voices in my head. What about this? Have you thought of that? I am trying on every shoe in the shop.
Doing the Doing
As I look towards my next chapter, I have been considering my options. Perhaps I will do some consulting or some teaching? I quite like the idea of mentoring or coaching - helping others to improve. I imagine it could be quite fun and satisfying to put my experiences to good use. It’s a different pace - I see the appeal.
But I know it is unlikely going to be my long-term plan. I have such a deep urge to create and to chase something of my own.
Even this blog, I’ve created it to help me cope, to help me feel myself again. I enjoy building it and tinkering with it. I love to make stuff. I cook to create. Making soothes my soul and is also part of my healing.
I like to be in the arena doing the doing, not on the outside looking in.
For now though, I need space and time to rest and recharge and I have to keep my Hungry Ghost at bay.
My Hungry Ghost
The Hungry Ghost originated from Buddhism and also exists in traditional Chinese and Japanese folklore. In Chinese, it is 餓鬼 and I have always loved the phrase, my grandma used to call me it because I had such an impressive appetite.
I love this Hungry Ghost idea - its that feeling of desire and want, of unsettled energy.
In Buddhism a Hungry Ghost represents beings that are restlessly driven by an intense emotional need, in a way that is almost base and animalistic. They have an insatiable craving that cannot be satisfied.
I have recently got to know my Hungry Ghost - I think I have always had one. She (I think it’s a She) has driven my drive for success and excellence, but she also created my workaholism, my need to achieve more and my refusal to give up. She has gifted me both my success and my burnout. Alas, I have worked so hard to try and satisfy this Hungry Ghost.
Recently, I decided to befriend her. I say befriend because I am not sure we have always got along. She has been like the persuasive popular girl in school that you did not dare to disobey.
In this new friendship with my Hungry Ghost, I have developed compassion for her. I now understand what she is made of. My Hungry Ghost emerged from a challenging childhood that was driven to seek love by doing well in school and by being a good girl that wins prizes. She grew out of a desperate need to prove herself to those who did not believe in her (including herself). My Hungry Ghost is a people-pleaser who can never do enough or be enough.
In the Taoist tradition, Hungry Ghosts come from deaths that have been violent or unhappy, or from neglected or desertion of their protectors, so when they are re-born, these Hungry Ghosts chase their unmet desires.
Its okay to be a little hungry
By becoming familiar with my Hungry Ghost and acknowledging the role she plays in my life, I feel a new dawn coming. When I spot her on the horizon, I give her a nod and tell her I see her. Sometimes she has some great ideas and I am inspired - she gives me the drive to pursue my passions. But other times, I know I don’t need to listen to her demands. I accept that it’s okay to be a little hungry.
For me, the Hungry Ghost represents that thing inside all of us that chases and relentlessly wants more. I imagine everybody has one, with some being more active than others. Maybe you keep wanting more material possessions or more friends or more successes. I reckon a lot of entrepreneurs have a very persuasive Hungry Ghost inside and the key for me is understanding where they have come from. Like all good friendships there has to be a healthy appreciation, but also boundaries. We have to be careful that our Hungry Ghosts don’t end up in the driving seat. On one hand she can ignite you, but on the other hand she could have you chasing your own tail for a very long time.
Setting boundaries with your Hungry Ghost
Befriending and reasoning with your Hungry Ghost is key. It helps to keep you aligned with what is important to you. If you feel her persuasive charm to chase after something you are not sure you want, remember the most important fact about your Hungry Ghost:
She is already dead.
Do you have a Hungry Ghost? I would love to know what she persuades you to chase, and whether you think she is good for you.
Little favour
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I'd never heard of the Hungry Ghost - but love the idea. I also love your final thought, that she (or he) is already dead! What a great push-back to the workaholic trap you outline. Fantastic self-awareness!
I had never heard of this concept but it makes total sense! I’m still very much setting boundaries with my Hungry Ghost. I’m appreciative to have one (because I know not everyone does) but I also struggle to put “him” in check. When we’re heading in the same direction, all is great… I have two extra hands to help handle the work. But when we have different priorities, that’s when things get interesting!